I have that restless feeling again. It is a feeling that scares me because it is so full of wants, wants that I can never fulfill. Wanting to stay out until dawn, to meet a stranger who I feel knows me, who will light my cigarette, blocking the glowing tip from the cold january wind until the heat has taken hold. Who will push my hair out of my eyes, put his hand on the small of my back and laugh. A clear, deep laugh, of real joy.

His lips will taste like nicotine and whiskey. The smell of cigarettes will linger in his beard. His lips will make my stomach flutter and my knees weak.

We will stay out together until the sun is starting to rise because we do not want to part. Because we want each other so badly, but feel that what has started to bloom between us is too precious to crush with sex each fears will leave the other feeling empty. We'll pass the early morning hours in a diner, drinking coffee and eating hash browns, holding hands until the trains start to run again. And the trains will start but we will find that we don't want to be separated so quickly, torn apart by metal tubes hurtling in opposite directions.

He will walk me home, and kiss me on the lips. Kiss the crown of my head. And I will go to bed as the sun has claimed the sky, knowing that something wonderful has begun.