I need to let myself feel this. This bone deep sadness. This cold watery heart feeling. This ache for connection, the pull of my lungs for something that is not there.

Being tough is not what I need because I do not need scar tissue. Though I feel so hurt and sad and disappointed, I need to stay tender for something better that will come along someday.

There was a guy. And I liked him very much. And too soon, even though he himself tried to warn me not to, I let him come into me. My first. And I have not seen him sense. He has not reached back to my outstretched hand. And this hand is now cold and lonely.

And I feel hurt and betrayed and disappointed and so very sad. And I have been fighting all of these feelings because they are so big. So scary. But the bigger they are, the more they refuse to go away. They become twisted demons who come back later to hurt you even more.

So I am feeling this. I am sad.